'Workendships !'

Very recently, I was talking with one of my oldest and closest friends. The conversations left from one topic to another and I don't exactly know how we started talking about 'working with friends'. That got me into thinking, about working with people we know from before, who are our friend, siblings, or boy / girlfriends.

In past few years, I have seen people who work with friends, brothers in shared business, best friends, boyfriend / girlfriend, college friends in same company, room mates became colleagues, colleagues became roommates. As we discussed the depth of working with the 'closed ones', it exposed some very disparate findings. I don't believe that all 'such' 'workendships' (work-friendships) are the same, but I strongly believe that most of them are, somewhere or the other, in that situation.

Allow me to deconstruct the essential elements. There are people all over the world, who work with friends, siblings, relatives etc. The very first thought, that comes in the mind of these people, when they join hands in the new work / team / business / partnership, is "We have known each other for a very long time, we understand each other, we share the same vision and we will be successful." This may not be true. May be others don't think on the same lines. I got into thinking how different people have different work ethics and sense of responsibility. There might be a conflict between two such people with regards to superiority, responsibility, ownership, difference in opinion and difference in wants and needs.

This may also happen when people start thinking about themselves more than the others, the team work and the partnership or when people are not tolerant enough to overlook the shortcomings. While others might feel threatened from competition, some might lose the patience.

I once had a roommate, who also happened to be a teammate and friend. The more closely I observed her, the more I thought I was losing my patience. The more I was accommodating to make her feel comfortable and live peacefully, the more I felt uncomfortable. I had never lived with a roommate earlier, and honestly, I didn't know how to behave when I had one. Little did I know, that she was making some compromises with me too. With the way I wanted the apartment and kitchen clean ':)'. We ended to a point, where neither of us would want to live with each other again. It's strange, but true.

This discussion, reminded me of another similar discussion with another friend. He says, he keeps his personal and professional relationships separate. No fuss, no muss. I wondered, how easy is it to achieve it?

The good point about having best friends at work, is the healthy competition and increase in productivity and also satisfaction at work.

While the downsides, I assume, would be something like, low morale in case the relationship turns sour, lesser development at work and jealousy in case one of them gets promoted. One may also use the other, to get the work done, and to cover up for slack of work.

Finally, I realized, the best way to face and solve such problems, is to talk it out, to compromise to a point where it is adjustable. There are times, when you would need to let it go, forget about it, forgive the person, move on and never make the mistake of looking back again. I strongly believe there is a very thin line between compromises and adjustments. While, I am personally, ready to adjust on anything, but compromise is something which needs my very serious thoughts. But when do you know that the thin line between the two is crossed?

I have seen many partnerships, relationships, friendships dwindle because of 'workendship'. Friends turned foes and changed jobs. A girlfriend ruined her ex-boyfriend reputation in front of the team, after their breakup.

Some relationships are also tossed, because the two parties become too comfortable with each other and share too much personal information, that they don't realize when the boundary is crossed. While one person may not realize it, the other might feel encroached.

When in such a situation, how do you know that the line is crossed? How do you know that the expectations have been raised and 'talking' is required? And finally, how do you know, that its time to forgive, forget and move on?

Au Revoir!