The Gaslighting Effect !

While walking on the treadmill at the gym couple of days ago, my i-pod stopped working. To entertain myself, I picked up an old issue of Elle magazine. While browsing through the pages of Elle, I came across a very interesting article. "Are you being life-jacked?" This was an interview with Dr Robin Stern. I didn't know what I was reading until I started paying more attention and actually read the article twice. I didn't know who was Dr Robin Stern but I couldn't wait to get back home and Google her.

What is Gaslighting?
In her own words:
"Gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another's reality, by telling them that what they are experiencing isn't so - and, the gradual giving up on the part of the other person. Gaslighting takes two - one person who needs to be in control to maintain his sense of self, and the other, who needs the relationship to maintain her sense of self and is willing to acquiesce. The Gaslight Effect happens when you find yourself second guessing your own reality, confused and uncertain of what you think, because you have allowed another to define reality and tell you what you think -- and who you are."

A little Google and there were numerous pages of results. I don't know why, it stuck with me. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if there are victims of gas lighting everywhere. I have particularly tried to make it a point, that people around me don't mould my thoughts to solve their purposes. Reading that piece made me revisit past few years of my life. I was measuring how many times have I felt that people played with my thoughts? Well, to be honest, there were occasions where people - my friends, and closed ones have tried to manipulate my thoughts, made fun of my goals, doubted my sense of decision and doubted my intentions.

It takes some determination to understand your own decisions, and belief in yourself, so that, no one ever gets a chance to manipulate you and to make you doubt your own abilities, to confuse you.

When I travel in the train or bus, and I look at people, it makes me wonder, if they are being gas lighted? Would they ever recognize it? Do they understand what it is? Even if they know how they are feeling, do they know what it is called? Are they doing anything to help themselves? I asked a few questions about this with my close friends and colleagues and just like me, they were ignorant about the term and the problem it defines.

Now, that I know about it, I really plan to buy / borrow the book and read it. Hope to find something useful in it.

Au revoir!